Trumped Up Backgammon

(If Donald Trump played backgammon, what might it sound like?  Here is one possibility.)

So I guess you know we’re live on the Whittenburg Network. They’ve got this camera here and we’re live. The other players never have their matches covered live. You know 24 million people watched my last match.

Live Match

I’m leading in the race by the way. Everyone’s counted and Trump is ahead on every count. It’s amazing. Gerry counted, and in Gerry’s count we’re leading big. Another count just came out from Cliff and we’re leading even more in that one, and Trump’s lead is tremendously big in Litton’s count. So we’re winning the race.

Winning Race

So I see this guy Michael, a total lightweight, was talking about Trump. You know Michael. What a stiff. I hear this guy Michael calls me a pigeon. I said to myself it’s amazing, here’s a guy who must not be a very bright guy. Anyway, he said some terrible things about the way Trump plays. Where is Michael on the scoresheet? Zero.

He might be smarter than DT, but what do I know. I saw DT the other day. He’s doing very poorly on the scoresheet, by the way. And he puts on glasses so people will think he’s smart. But lots of people have tried to come after Trump and they all go down on the scoresheet. Trump is leading on the scoresheet, by the way. We have a tremendous score. It will make your head spin.

Candidates

The other day, I played Jana. By the way, look at that face. What a face. Is that a face you want to sit across the board from? Anyway, I’m playing her and I think she got some very unfair dice against me. It was clear they were gotcha dice. You could just tell there she was there to beat Trump. I mean she had dice coming out of her…wherever.

Carly

And we’re going to do some amazing things, I have tremendous plans for this match. It’s going to be terrific, we’re going to do great things. I don’t want to talk about it too much now in terms of specifics, but I’m very smart. I went to the Magriel School. So you’re going to see some amazing things in this match.

Trump smart

So one problem we’re having in this game is checker security. It’s a tremendous problem. Huge.

And by the way, I love checkers. I have a lot of respect for checkers. A lot of people say, “Oh, Trump doesn’t like checkers.” But I do. I’ve had thousands of checkers working for me. I’ve built points with checkers. They love Trump. Seriously, they love me. And by the way, a poll just came out, and your checkers love me more than they love you, they want me to win. I’m gonna win with the support of your checkers. But anyway, I love checkers. They’re great.

But one thing checkers do is they make anchors. We’ve got to talk about the anchor checkers. And so now people will say, “Trump hates anchor checkers.” But that’s not true, I love them, they’re tremendous checkers, but we can’t have that. Just because they start over here, they think they have a right to stay here and make an anchor but that’s not right. A lot of smart people have looked at this and I think we’re gonna find out that we need to change the rules on allowing anchor checkers.

U.S. Republican presidential candidate, real estate mogul and TV personality Donald Trump makes a point as he formally announces his campaign for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination during an event at Trump Tower in New York June 16, 2015. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid - RTX1GRB9

So anyway, we’ve got this real problem with checker security. The checkers are being sent from over there and they’re coming over here and hitting other checkers and we’ve got to stop that, and I will stop that. We’re gonna build a prime, the most amazing prime. It’s going to be terrific, beautiful. You’re gonna love it. Because Trump builds primes, I know how to build a prime, I’ve built the most amazing primes. We’re gonna call it the Great Prime of Trump. And it’s not gonna be the kind of prime you can just come out and leap over. No, it’s going to be a smart, strong, amazing prime. You’re not gonna believe how great it’s going to be.

And I’m gonna make you pay for it.

pay